


love, love, love

by Sotong_sotong



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Introspection, KuroFai Headcanon Ficathon, M/M, reupload because of a mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 17:52:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5636296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sotong_sotong/pseuds/Sotong_sotong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A second fill for a prompt at the KuroFai Headcanon Fic-athon over at Dreamwidth: "Kurogane forced Fai to feed the first time in Infinity."</p>
            </blockquote>





	love, love, love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cloverfield](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloverfield/gifts).



> Hi! Apparently I messed up one of my fic uploads and accidentally uploaded "love,love,love" with a different prompt fill...and only realised it 9999999999 years later. *rests in fucking pieces* So, here it is in its proper form!

The very moment his fist slams into the wall, you sense what feels like a hundred thousand needles poking through your heart, and you know, you just know, that this is hardly the beginning of an ocean of wrongs; it is the unintended outcome of your many mistakes, carelessly long in the making, and harsh in its wake.

( “ **W H Y** _ARE YOU EVEN THINKING OF **D Y I N G**? “ )_

_Even as your vision swims in red and darkness, you note that the ninja has left a hole on the wall._

_( _and for what seems like good measure, in your heart as well_ )_

_*_

__Dying is_ _

__a) only natural_ _

__b) an easier way out_ _

__c) your deepest, dirtiest romance_ _

_*_

_Your eyes fly open._

_Your nose inhales._

_Your fingers claw._

_Your heart beats._

_( _if memory serves you right, corpses don’t scream_ )_

_You find yourself ~~mercilessly~~ alive, and plagued by a series of _whys_ ’._

_*_

_( _E.g – why on earth did he desire to save you at all?_ )_

_*_

_( _E.g – why did you even let it come to this in the first place?_ )_

_*_

_( _E.g -_ ~~whywhywhywhywhywhywhyjust~~ **why**? )_

_*_

_Though the truth may vary, you believe that it is in his best interest that you keep away from him as much as possible. Both anger and resentment are emotions that have paid few visits to you, but you cling to them now as how a drowning man clutches for anything to stay afloat._

_( _you had no right to do what you did, you didn’t know what I’m truly here for, you didn’t have a million lies spilling from your tongue, you didn’t get blinded by how nice it was to see the children happy, you didn’t have to hide tears by stuffing your face down onto a pillow, you didn’t force yourself to keep smiling even if your cheeks fucking hurt, you didn’t run away from anything or anyone, you didn’t make a country extinct, you didn’t climb up a ladder of bodies, you didn’t see another you dead, you didn’t you just didn’t_ \--_

__you aren’t misfortune_ )_

_You stare past the ninja and speak in clipped in tones when the need to communicate arises, your nicknames for him long gone unused._

_And you pointedly do not ask for his blood._

_( _you didn’t think it would be this hard_ )_

_*_

_But, _ah_ , how could you forget : when has he ever stuck to anyone’s rules?_

_Least of all, yours._

_( _damn him_ )_

_*_

_He catches your arm, his fingers curling unexpectedly gently around it ( _but even you know that there is little hope of shaking that grip off_ ), and gives you a _look_._

_( _you’ve never, never told him you drown when those bright red eyes see you_ )_

_“ Start feeding already, idiot. “_

_You narrow your eyes, and just stand there in stubborn silence. How many times have you faced this? And how many times more before he finally quits?_

_Yet, perhaps, it has been one stand-off too many for the other man: without a word, he slips ‘Souhi’ out of its sheath with his free hand, his expression darker than it has ever been before._

_Your breath catches; your lungs forget oxygen._

_( _“ If you want to die so badly, I’ll kill you “, he once declared_ )_

_He raises the blade --_

_( _your brain screeches finally, finally, finally_ , oh, _finally_ )_

_\-- and brings it over an expanse of skin slightly below the wrist of his hand that is holding you, lightly slicing it open._

_And, then, there is blood._

_( _“ Until then, live. “_ )_

_There. Is. Blood._

__His_. **Blood**._

_( **l - i - v - e** )_

_Just a whiff of metallic tang, and your knees buckle, shivers crackling up your spine like the branches of a lightning strike, windpipe clogging with _want_ and _need_ and _must_ , ~~teeth~~ _fangs_ chattering, and _why were you stupid enough to even think he would end your fucking misery now_ \--_

_“ …I’m sorry “, the _bastard_ softly, softly says, and slowly but _firmly_ guides your shaking head towards the flowing cut after sheathing ‘Souhi’._

_You wrench yourself backwards, and you laugh._

_You laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and it is very loud and very mad._

_( _don’t they dare turn into hysterical sobs_ )_

_“ No, _Kurogane_ , that won’t do. You can’t just go about stripping people’s choice to live or die, take their will towards sustenance in your own hands, and _only then_ toss out an apology. That’s too messed up! Even for us. “_

_He regards you with lidded eyes, mouth set in a tight grim line, as though considering the matter for a moment._

_And forces your head down towards the wound again, anyway._

_*_

_You do not understand why you comply in the end._

_( _why do you fucking love, love, love when you know I can’t love?_ )_

_So, you promise him walls._

_( _” You really are hopeless, Kurogane. “_ )_

**Author's Note:**

> talk CLAMP with me on twitter @sotongsardintin


End file.
